Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
