I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
