You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize