go do what you do best...puke behind churches
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
