Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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