what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
