When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
