Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
