No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
