if i can run in heels then i can drive
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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