So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
