just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
