I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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