I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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