I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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