my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize