i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
