The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm both gender and math confused
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