Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
