either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
