Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
