What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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