dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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