remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
420 ftw
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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