Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
