I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
