My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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