Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
