I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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