Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
