On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize