I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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