A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
