fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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