I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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