come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
