apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize