She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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