Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
