That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize