Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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