He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
