Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
