It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
