areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize