I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Randomize
