he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
