I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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