I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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