i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
