i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
