If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
