Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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