addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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