can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
