Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
