I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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