you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
