I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
