the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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