Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
