There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
