theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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