im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
