it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
